Overall, it has been a very interesting week here. My words have failed me and my emotions were a bit of a train wreck. Those same emotions wrought from fear (ugh! you would think I would know better by now) became a searing flame that I sought out forgiveness from the Scorched and from my Lord. Evil One so wants to destroy us…our lives, our ministries, our godly influence, our families, our marriages, our friendships, and the list just never ends, does it?
So, I sit and I pray. Repentence. I ask the Giver of Life to make me a more generous and faithful servant. Sudden realization comes to me and I then know that I have not been seeing myself, more recently, as belonging to Jesus. I mean really being His as in “He can do with my life whatever He wants” kind of His. I beg God to show me what it truly looks like to be His vessel…used for whatever purpose He commands, for His glory, for the furthering of His Kingdom. I am not my own, but bought with the highest price…the precious blood of the Lamb slain on the cross. He dictates how He will use me to bring glory to Himself.
I also see the Lord telling me that I am forgiven, and that when I stumble, it doesn’t mean that He would ever stop loving me. There is no place of trouble that would keep Him from claiming me as His very own.
It is by His still waters that I come to rest and know that my Shepherd sees me and instills peace into me. I feel released from the burden that the Evil One used to shame me. I give it no more credence, but fully rely on the truth I know that Jesus makes all things new again.
This becoming…this transformation, it brings me to the point of understanding that in true change, there is strength in the harnessing of learning to let go of sin, perceived control and fear. I gain wisdom when I allow myself to be fully aligned with His will for my life. Fighting, resisting and an all-out tug of war will only result in fear, shame and consequences that make life look like a war zone.
Now, as I face the future, I hope that my life will be one that is continuously poured-out for the One who always holds me and shows me His great grace. There is no other like Him and I would ask that this little life He gave me be something He will use to make His name great. I am nobody great and never will be. That isn’t even my end-game. He is great, though, and what He decides to do with my life is every bit His business. I just want my life to always point to His greatness.
The Destroyer can maim, but He cannot take me from my Lord or take my Lord from me. He uses his resources wisely and in a very simply devious manner. I know his unmistakable signature. Where there is shame and fear, he has been busy.
I thank God for His irrefutable love for me, His daughter, and seek to understand more fully this way of allowing God to do just as He will in my life so that others can see Him and be amazed over Him. I want them to be drawn to Him, to see intimacy with our Creator as something attainable. I continue to pray knowing that He will show me all I am asking when I am ready. It is in the being “made ready” that I enter into His sanctuary to worship and adore the very One who made me. The process will most likely be one of pain combined with more letting go. Undoubtedly, He will ask me to shed all that does not reflect Him and rightly so. I have no reason to not trust Him with me as He has never, ever shown Himself to be the unfaithful one.
As I move into this coming week, I feel a sense of being filled with more of who He is and what He is asking of me in this idea of “letting go“. Becoming is never an easy process. There are slips and stumbles along the way, but forgiveness and grace show us just how amazing our God really is. My earthly father used to tell me that I needed to forgive myself if I had already asked God and the offended to forgive me. I am still working on this, but know that this week brought me further along in this process of becoming.